The Changing Landscape of Manhood
Is manhood something that evolves with changing social norms? Does leaving your parents' home, finding a wife, getting a job, and becoming a father make you a man? In the 1960s, 70% of men reached these milestones by 30 years old. Fast-forward 60 years to now, according to a recent Pew Research, 63% of men under 30 describe themselves as single, compared with 34% of women in the same age group. With almost double the amount of men than women under 30 being single, this indicates that there is something wrong with the men of our days. Nowadays, if a man gets married at 23 years old (average age in the 60s) and embraces married life, they are seen by their peers as diverging from the normal and making a big mistake. Men who have a bad attitude toward marriage and not wanting to grow up are the biggest reasons for the social breakdown that we are experiencing today. For us to restore the sustainability of our current society men must know when they need to grow up and become a man. So when do you become a man? Does it depend on personal feelings or is there a universal answer for all men? To answer this decades-old question let us examine the first and ideal man, Adam.
Examining Adam: The First and Ideal Man
The name Adam means man or man of the earth, which is exactly what he was. He looked like a man, had facial hair, was able to procreate, was physically strong and sounded like a man. There was nothing female about him. He was the first man and had no parents. He was able to survive and get any of the fruits from the trees in the garden, without any parental support. In the garden he also had responsibilities. God gave him the job of dressing and keeping the garden. He was always a mature man and did not act or think like a child. Adam was not like a naïve child, who quickly believes what someone or something says. According to 1 Timothy 2:14, “Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.” Although the serpent did not fool Adam, he still knowingly sinned against God and was fully aware that there would be consequences for his trespass. As a mature-thinking man, he rightly knew that his sin made him unworthy to stand before a righteous God, so he and his wife hid themselves from the presence of God. Now notice that biologically, Adam was 100% man, mentally independent from parents, and had responsibilities before Eve came along. He was fully a man before getting married. Therefore, considering Adam, the first man, you are a man when you have the biological component of a man (look and able to procreate) and the mental component of a man (independent of parents and responsible).
The Modern Struggle: Biological Men, Mentally Immature
A big flaw in our culture today, is that after puberty (around 15-17 years old), boys become men biologically, but most are not ready mentally because they are stuck in a social system that fosters interaction with immature peers, hooked on video games, pornography, and social media. All these social elements can suppress men from becoming a man mentally. Being a man biologically but not mentally is like having a car in the driveway but not being able to drive it or “like clouds and wind without rain,” (Proverbs 25:14). Clouds and wind are a sign that there is going to be rain, when there is no rain it is disappointing for people who are depending on it. Unfortunately, in our culture, men who look and sound like men but don’t act like men have become the norm and not a disappointment. I understand that in our society, after puberty, a 17-year-old man may not be ready to be fully independent of their parents. At the least, he needs to have responsibilities and be on the trajectory of “cutting the apron string.” If we parents let our young men be content with staying in the nest by paying their bills, letting them watch TV, social media, or play video games all day long, then we have become enablers to the destruction of manhood. The Bible says in 2 Thessalonians 3:10 “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.” Parents feeding their lazy men who do not want to work will make matters worse for them. We parents need to be intentional about encouraging our young men to start paying their own way and prepare their minds for marriage. We must never forget that our objective as parents is not to raise boys but godly men.
Preparing Young Men for Responsibility and Independence
We parents must let our boys know what kind of man they should be before they become men biologically. As for the men between the age of 18-30, still living with their parents and not married, you need to ask yourself these questions. What kind of man do I want to be? Do I want to be a man who lives to please himself or a man who is a blessing to others? Do I want to be a man who hurts my community or one who has a positive impact on my community? Do I want to be the man who produces children out of wedlock leaving them with a legacy of fatherless homes or a man who is a good role model for his children leaving them with a godly legacy? Our nation needs more men who are dedicated to God and who have a strong emphasis on the family. After puberty, it is time for men to put away their childish ways.
“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)
The Call for Repentance and Faith: A Return to Biblical Principles
And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent: (Acts 17:30)
No politician, policy change, or increasing funding in schools will restore manhood. What is needed is for parents to stop creating a breeding ground for their immature, lazy man-child. Also, men must repent, place their faith in Jesus Christ, and obey God’s word. Our community and future generations are dependent on men being men. It's time to grow up fellas.
